Death is life's way of telling you that you've been fired.I'd call you a tool, but even they serve a purpose.Life's a bitch if it were easy, it'd be a slut.Don't let your mind wander-it's too little to be let out alone.The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.Every rule has an exception, especially this one.It may look like I'm doing nothing, but I'm actively waiting for my problems to go away.You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.Books have knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is a crime, and crime doesn't pay.Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.If you think things can't get worse, it's probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.War doesn't determine who's right-it determines who's left.A train station is where the train stops.I once prayed to God for a bike but quickly found out He didn't work that way-so I stole a bike and prayed for His forgiveness.Sarcasm helps keep people from understanding you're saying what you really think of them.Never interrupt your opponent while he's making a mistake.Meg Amey Funny and Sarcastic Facebook Status Updates and Quotes
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